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Day 14 — Date Fair

 

Day 14 -- Date FairIf employers can have job fairs, then why can’t I have a date fair? That’s right, I’m going to contact all the Match.com guys who want to meet me and invite them to my stand-up comedy show at the Topaz bar in Washington, DC.

They all seem interested enough. I imagine they’d laugh loudly during the act and want to line up afterward for an interview.

Once they’re all together, I’d let them have at it. Job fairs are a lot like speed dating, right? You dress up and look real nice, spend a few minutes talking to potential mates and hope they’ll call you back. The best salesman wins.

After all, they must have liked what they saw on my Match.com profile, which is like a job description. I’m seeking a “secure” (euphemism: rich) guy, who will adore me. Strategic thinker with superior oral and written communication skills with more than 10 years of experience is required, 15 years preferred. Duties include romanticizing me and buying me flowers and lingerie for Valentine’s Day and all other special occasions. Breakfast in bed a plus.

I’m lumping my matches into three categories—1) top candidates, 2) maybes and 3) I’ll give them a break. I think “shortyjames” needs a break. With a name like shortyjames, don’t ya think? I didn’t bother to click through on his profile to see how short he was, but I gotta imagine he’s pretty short and has to warn you. Another guy who needs a break wears Jackie-O sunglasses and a windbreaker in his profile picture. Think CIA, or worse, a duck hunter.

A maybe would be a silver-haired smiley guy who wants to meet me for tea, which I don’t drink. He can’t sell his home and made a point of telling me it was a detached townhouse, as if an attached townhouse would make me feel differently?

And then there is this guy who discloses too much in the initial email dialogue. He reminds me of a job seeker who gets too personal in a job interview. He said he didn’t want a “pen pal.” Well, neither do I, but wouldn’t you want to wait until a first face-to-face date and say something like, “What are you looking for in a relationship?”

Actually, I’m not going to invite my top candidate to my comedy routine. He passes Go and is invited to a personal interview.

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5 Responses to “Day 14 — Date Fair”

  1. Priceless! Let me know how it works out! Why don’t you auction yourself off and put some cash in your pocket! 🙂

    I’m going to post you on my blogroll, and I just gave you a shout out on my blog, Miss Pink Slip.

  2. gotb says:

    Thanks. I was thinking about that — auctioning myself on eBay. I guess I have nothing to lose. Say, thanks for the mention. I’ll incorporate your blog into one of my columns. I need to start a blogroll. Girl on the Brink

  3. janny226 says:

    Not that I’m eager to make my first comment a dirty one, but in your profile, I bet the guys mostly liked reading about your “superior oral … skills.” Nudge, nudge, wink wink. I mean, do guys really think about anything else after they read that? Even though I know it’s not what you meant.

  4. janny226 says:

    Oh wait, just reread it, that’s what YOU’RE looking for. Um, I still bet they misread it.

  5. Steve says:

    I’m a guy and that’s immediately how I read it. “superior oral” skills. I also immediately understood “verbal skills” was the intended meaning however Girl on the Brink has the written communication skills to include a little zing and hold my attention. Bravo.

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