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Day 16 — Neutered Reality: It Bites

A cat’s life isn’t so bad. Mine get fed every day, sometimes twice. I change their litter, with Fresh Step, and keep their water bowl filled. When I’m away, I have a stable of cat moms who like to come over and play with them. They turn my house into a cat-toy testing facility and stock my home with canned food, which I never buy because it’s too expensive.

After months of being unemployed, you can’t help but think of a better life. Escapism becomes a big theme. Fantasy escapes partially satisfy me and pass the time, especially if a fantasy man is involved. But like a soufflé that’s rushed out of the oven, they become a letdown when my thoughts return to real life.

Nonetheless, I subscribe to numerous travel alert email specials sent by the airlines, and I check them out every time they zing into my inbox, thinking, if I wanted to get away this weekend, could I afford it, and where would I go? There’s almost nothing stopping me except for money and if it’s my turn to watch the kids, and even that isn’t such a big barrier all of the time.

Spirit Airlines, for example, recently ran a special that flew from Fort Lauderdale, Florida, to Medellin, Colombia, for $69 each way—$109 if you want the “big front seat.” Nothing like going to Medellin, I say, for visiting the history of the infamous Medellin drug cartel, but I’d dream of getting kidnapped by what I hope would be a sexy Latino.

If I don’t escape through email travel alerts, I visit crewfile.com (now on Twitter, thank God) to see if I can hop aboard a 65-foot sailboat heading for St. Lucia or anywhere in the Caribbean. I could work as a cook or deckhand or rail bait. No, sailors call that rail meat, which means the crew moves around to balance the weight when the boat begins to tip to one side in high winds. I’m too thin for that, but I’d be happy to sit on the skipper’s lap (after the race).

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