Thu, Apr 9, 2009
I can’t tell you how many unemployment columns I’ve read in the past few weeks that tell me I need to stop going online to find a job. The recruiters who write these columns say I should pick up the phone and call my contacts, like they’ve got a job to refer me to.
Half of them are unemployed, and those who aren’t don’t always call back, making me feel as abandoned as a plant starving for water. When they do call back, I get a lot of condolences and “it will get better’s,” or they tell me how bad the economy sucks where they live.
The recruiters stress the importance of networking, but the last (and only) time I went to a networking party everyone was unemployed.
They also say to remain focused on your job search and not to apply for just anything. To me, that advice is frozen in a past time that doesn’t exist anymore.
Why not apply for anything? When your bank account is next to nothing and the mortgage is due, it might be prudent to work at something that doesn’t fit your qualifications rather than risk a late payment. If you apply and get a job that has nothing to do with your career path, you don’t need to put it on your resume. Think of it as a transition job.
Newsweek recently had some really funny ones. The best-paying jobs involved weird but somewhat harmless, sexual but not overtly so activities. Some people, apparently, get off watching others sit on balloons until they pop. Craigslist had one about an elderly man who compensates women if they leave him their wet panties. Being rich in retirement has its rewards.
And, then if you do get called for a job interview there’s always that what-to-wear question. Recruiters warn job applicants not to expose their underwear, not to wear flip-flops or shorts, and to hide tattoos. Isn’t this common sense? I couldn’t imagine myself wearing fake nail tips with a curve so enormous that a hiring manager might think I was about to stab him, or a tie as a belt, but apparently these are some of the Top 20 Wardrobe Malfunctions compiled by CareerBuilder.com.
Recruiters should be telling older jobless professionals to get a — and I love this word — “liquid” facelift, which is a facelift without surgery and involves filling in and erasing lines with certain injection products. We still live in a society that covets youth, so you need to look the part to get the part.
My advice: Find a dermatologist to inject Botox and/or Restylane, which fills in the creases. Despite laws against age discrimination, an employer is more apt to hire a youngin’ rather than a 50 year old with nasolabial folds, which run from the nose to the mouth (like parenthesis), not between your legs, in case there was any confusion.
Tags: career counseling