Girl on the Brink: Surviving Desperate Times with Desperate Measures

I entered a contest today to win a dream date with President Clinton, and I can enter as many times as I want. Bill is set as the default prize option on Hillary’s website (yes, still his wife) when you visit HillaryClinton.com to help her retire her campaign debt from last year’s presidential election.

Seems to me like she’s trying to retire Bill. I’m glad she’s hoping to give someone else a turn with Bill, at least for a day, because that’s all you’d get if you win. But it’s in New York, and you can bring a guest, but I think I’d skip that part. I’d rather have Bill all to myself in the Big Apple and then take my chances for spending the rest of the weekend, and prize, in New York.

If I had a dream date with Bill, whom I’ve met (very tall; at a fundraiser; let my infant son squeeze his finger; picture to prove it), I’d ask him the real juicy stuff. Okay, maybe I’d throw in a serious question, like where he thinks the polar bears will go once the ice caps give in to global warming. But I’d much rather know whether he would dump a girl on national TV like the Bachelor’s Jason Mesnick did. I still can’t get over that.

I’d also want to know what he’d name a TV show that featured him as a reality star and how he feels about having a full head of hair at his age. I bet he’d have a good answer for what the maximum dating-age difference should be between men and women and what other homeland besides America would he most want to live in and why, but that’s treading close to serious.

If I had unchecked Bill as my prize, I could have chosen a paid trip for one to Los Angeles to watch the May 19 season finale of American Idol. You’re on your own for food and transportation once you get there, because the contest rules make it clear that the “paid trip” is for flight and hotel accommodations only.

Estimated value: $3,000. That’s the same prize value as a day with Bill, according to the website. You’d think he’d be worth more, but it must have something to do with campaign finance rules.

The last and dullest prize is for political junkies—touring D.C.’s historic sites and lunching with ex-Clinton strategist and political pundit James Carville and Paul Begala. I forgot who Begala was but something political. But that’s nothing compared to a day with Bill.  If I want to be patriotic, I’ll change the bed sheets to red, white and blue, but only if they’re satin.