Day 41 — Money Money

Praise the Lord! (Jim Bakker, you were god, good, for something). I just got my Internal Revenue Service (IRS) refund check today. I haven’t been swimming in so much moolah since my tryst at the Four Seasons with the president of the American Stock Exchange. As you may remember, he funded my start-up publishing company, which I sold eons ago.

Actually, I got more from him than I got from the IRS. Uncle Sam, with his finger poking you in the face (you’ve seen the posters), just doesn’t get it.

In any case, if I wasn’t exactly  bringing home the bacon on food stamps, I’ve now brought home the hog. Now I can stop eating rice pockets, an oven-toasted generic cereal with 12 minerals and vitamins. This is definitely fat-free food because 15 minutes after I’ve eaten it, I’m hungry again.

Like now, I have a hankering for a banana, the yellow-skin variety (you didn’t know I like Asians?), but my fruit bowl, sadly, contains the Chiquita kind, I think.

My trip to Antigua for sailing week this week? Perfectly justified. You see, although I am shackled by my mortgage (keeping the house for the kids; in a divorce agreement; ex says house wouldn’t sell in today’s market; not convinced given we live in classy Northwest D.C. neighborhood), I’m practically debt free.

Yes, the Congressional Budget Office should hire me, or maybe I should become a debt counselor. I’d tell other jobless folks who got screwed by their boss to fight for more, especially if they’re over 50. I paid off all but $2,000 of my credit card debt with the severance I got from fighting my ex employer. In fact, I got an email the other day that showed an uptick in my credit score. I have borderline “good” credit.

I’d advise others to do the same: pay off as much debt as possible and use their debit card, which teaches you how to live within your means.  At least it makes you think twice before buying a La Perla bra, or for a guy would it be a Zegna tie?

Bras, ties—they’re the unmentionables that make my advice worth a look behind the hood.


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