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Archive | April, 2009

Day 41 — Money Money

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

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Day 41 — Money Money

Praise the Lord! (Jim Bakker, you were god, good, for something). I just got my Internal Revenue Service (IRS) refund check today. I haven’t been swimming in so much moolah since my tryst at the Four Seasons with the president of the American Stock Exchange. As you may remember, he funded my start-up publishing company, […]

Day 40 — New Game Plan

Monday, April 20, 2009

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Day 40 — New Game Plan

I entered a contest today to win a dream date with President Clinton, and I can enter as many times as I want. Bill is set as the default prize option on Hillary’s website (yes, still his wife) when you visit HillaryClinton.com to help her retire her campaign debt from last year’s presidential election. Seems […]

Day 39 — Thanks, Mom

Sunday, April 19, 2009

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Day 39 — Thanks, Mom

The phone rang at 9 o’clock on a Sunday morning—an 800 number and, I thought, a solicitor. I answered the phone, and the recording began: “This is an important message from Omaha Steaks. Someone must think you’re special, because they’re sending you an order of Omaha Steaks….” Gee, what a nice gesture. The gift, which […]

Day 38 — Government Payoff

Saturday, April 18, 2009

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Day 38 — Government Payoff

While my lawyer prepared a letter to send to my former employer to up my severance, I debated on what other government benefits I should angle for. I researched my potential entitlements online and thought that I could qualify for food stamps, but I also checked boxes for receiving TANF and medical assistance.  TANF stands […]

Day 37 — Gym Sex

Friday, April 17, 2009

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Day 37 — Gym Sex

Living with your ex because you’re both unemployed and can’t afford your own place sucks for pursuing a new love. That’s why my gym affords me more than a place to work out. Nothing beats hearing the guys grunt when they lift a 150-pound barbell from a squat. The sound makes me think of the […]

Day 36 — Deep-Six Benefits

Thursday, April 16, 2009

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Day 36 — Deep-Six Benefits

If you’re unemployed, dying solves everything, except what to do with your remains. I wanted to call the Burial Assistance Program run by D.C. Department of Human Services and tell them I was thinking about dying to find out if I was entitled to burial benefits in case I got slammed by a Metro bus […]

Day 35 — Rejection

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

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Day 35 — Rejection

Along with a shrinking wallet comes a shrinking bra size. A smaller cup size is an issue of concern to both sexes when it comes to second base. I should know. I’ve shrunk. I used to be a 32D, a reality I learned when my girlfriend had me professionally fitted for a bra. Stores in […]

Day 34 — Twitter Me

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

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Day 34 — Twitter Me

When I got email that Barack Obama was following me on Twitter, I got all a twitter. I mean, the president—of the United States. I can’t think of anything more flattering than having someone important “follow” you, which means they’ve placed you in their flock of tweets. I’m now part of the cacophony of tweets […]

Day 33 — Cutting Corners

Monday, April 13, 2009

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Day 33 — Cutting Corners

When my toothbrush stopped vibrating (yes, Colgate makes this for your mouth), I knew I should get a new one. But I didn’t. Being unemployed makes you think about cutting corners. I’ve become, for instance, a kitchen beautician because I can’t afford to pay my hairdresser $90 to dye my roots. Sally’s Beauty Supply sells […]

Girl On the Brink Tells All

Sunday, April 12, 2009

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Girl On the Brink Tells All

Talk show host Rick Smith interviewed Ann Powers, aka Girl On the Brink, on his hit Rick Smith Radio Show Saturday, April 11. Smith tapped into Power’s psyche that touched the soft and sardonic sides of her personality. [podcast]http://www.girlonthebrink.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/powers-interview.mp3[/podcast] See More In the News….

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