Girl on the Brink: Surviving Desperate Times with Desperate Measures

There are two items that would devastate my job search if something happened to them: my Blackberry and my laptop. I don’t remember the last time I printed out a resume, licked a stamp and sent it through the regular mail.

In today’s competitive job market, I want to be ready to accept calls at any time and respond to email on a moment’s notice. I increasingly guard these two expensive pieces of electronics from my children. I remember the horror I felt when I knocked over a vodka tonic on another laptop’s keyboard. I immediately turned it over, propping it up like a tent, and then got out my hairdryer to save the circuitry. I thought my solution worked because the computer turned on. But then it died, and I had to replace the computer.

That’s why I forbid my 10- and 12-year-old boys from using my laptop while they play Real Arcade and drink apple cider. Honestly, I don’t know what I’d do if I had another catastrophe. I didn’t steal this computer, and I don’t have any other chits to call in if I drown another one. After the vodka tonic tragedy, the District of Columbia public school system saved me by awarding a computer to my son who, unbeknownst to me, was part of a class-action suit involving children with special needs. It arrived just at the right time, and, yes, I feel like a heel for taking it from him. But he has a desktop PC, and I am desperate.

My Blackberry would be less costly to replace, but I still don’t take any chances. I fried my last cell phone in the toilet. I was pulling down my pants and had it hooked to a belt when it flipped off and nosedived into water. It doesn’t matter how fast you reach into grab it, which you do impulsively along with saying, “Oh, shit.” Thankfully, there’s a wikiHow on How to Save a Wet Cell Phone. Step 1 of the nine steps is to get it out of the water as fast as possible.