Day 74 — Great Escapisms

Sometimes I fantasize about being D.B. “Dan” Cooper, the man who hijacked a Boeing 727 in 1971 and parachuted from the plane with $200,000 in ransom and just disappeared. It’s the only unsolved hijacking in the United States (still active with the FBI).  Vanished without a trace, poof.

In my fantasy, the amount is considerably more than $200,000. I make my way to one of the 64 countries without an extradition treaty to the United States, take up with a handsome but mysterious man and write novels under a pseudonym and travel and sail to exotic places for the rest of my days.

This would probably bring an end to Girl On the Brink, but don’t panic, it is just an idle dream of being on the lam with a new identity, living in the shadows, escaping Ann Powers and her troubles. I would call myself Agent 109 and create a new identity as a real housewife. I would finally get that boob job I’ve always wanted, and a new wardrobe to go with it.

Bummer reality has to intrude on my fantasy. I think a more realistic scenario for me would be to take my free AirTran ticket and hide out in my parents’ condo in Naples, Fla., and mingle with retirees. It beats my basement apartment and meeting Match.com guys who wear white undershirts under their Oxfords. I’m not kidding. A guy I had lunch with actually wore one, and it looked new. Not that I’m always in style.

But back to my escapes. Some of them are legitimate. I applied for jobs in London and Dubai the other day. If I hadn’t had that second glass of wine, I don’t think I would have spent $38 to have me resume blasted to HR professionals in those overseas locales. But I did it any way—a hail Mary job search.

So far, no one has emailed me back. Maybe if Cooper is still alive he could give me some advice.


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