Girl on the Brink: Surviving Desperate Times with Desperate Measures

I’ll be off today on one of my many glorious unemployment trips. This time to, flick your Bic please, Waco, Tex.

Yes, the home of (and doesn’t this jump into your mind) religious sect leader David Koresh and his burning ranch of fire. Koresh died along with many of his followers when the FBI sieged his Branch Davidian ranch outside of Waco in 1993. He died of a gunshot wound a few weeks later, however.

The clash between law enforcement and Koresh began over a tip about the sect not following protocol for trading arms, the ones that go bang, bang. But then defectors alerted detectives about Koresh, who claimed to be a prophet, banging young girls and getting them pregnant. Well, the whole thing erupted in one of those huge Texas bonfires, and everything burned to the ground.

You got to hand it to those Texans. They know how to buck the national average. In other words, they make money, have sex—and remain employed. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, Texas was among 25 states between March and April 2009 that showed a drop in the unemployment rate, with employers cutting 39,500 nonfarm jobs in April.

As for the sex (multiple wives) part, the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Eldorado, Tex., got into trouble last year. Aren’t they supposed to do that in Utah, and shouldn’t they be using birth control?

The purpose of my trip, however, is not to join a religious sect, or explore the Texan lifestyle. Just my luck I’d get scared to death running into George Bush picking pinto bean husks from between his teeth at a barbeque joint.

It’s to celebrate the wedding of my college roommate. She’s a first-timer, getting married, and how could I not go?

Which brings me to the point of this entry: What should you keep—and go without—during the recession? For me, maintaining and celebrating relationships are keepers.

I could be as happy as my neutered cat as long as someone touched and loved me, and I lived in a warm climate. I’m thinking Cuba.

I have done everything possible to reduce the cost of my trip. I got a round-trip ticket for under $215. I’m taking the Metro to the airport, and I rented my car by naming my price on Priceline. I got it for $14 a day. I’m also splitting the cost of a room in Waco, and my girlfriend’s mom is paying for all of our meals.

I will celebrate life because it’s worth living and so is the union of my girlfriend and her mate, and I don’t care if I catch the bouquet. I already know how to stop and smell the flowers.