Girl on the Brink: Surviving Desperate Times with Desperate Measures

A billboard on the way into Waco, Tex., said to stop at Cameron Park and meet Bob and Doris.

I don’t know why I’d want to meet Bob and Doris. They are otters. I don’t know what I’d say since I’m not sure whether to grunt or watch out for my finger getting bit.

I often feel the same way during a telephone-screening interview when the interviewer asks if I have any questions I’d like to ask. Some of the advice I read about how to conduct yourself during a phone interview is also plain silly. For instance, one article said it is okay to excuse yourself from the interview to take a good long drink (of water, I presume). Come now, I’m going to leave the interviewer hanging with dead air on the line while I guzzle a glass?

Do you think that strategy would work if you had to, well, go to the bathroom so bad you just couldn’t wait until the interview was over. I think it’d be better to not put the phone down but to see how skilled you are at undressing and then claiming just the right spot on the pot—close to the porcelain so your relief would hit the sides of the bowl and not tinkle into the water. I imagine a guy would have an easier time of it, given his ability to maneuver his organ.

Seriously, if you had to take a drink of water, wouldn’t you already have a water bottle nearby that you could sip while the interviewer asks you questions? That’s what I would do.

Beyond keeping your throat in tippy-top condition, you should know what tough questions to ask potential employers since they are asking tough questions of you. I’m generally not one to offer serious advice, but in this instance I found a guide on the Internet—for free—that is top notch. It lists 25 of the toughest questions job applicants have asked employers. Whoever assembled these questions had a brain.

My favorite: What would I see if I stood outside the front door at 5 o’clock? Would everyone be smiling? Staying late or leaving early? Would they be taking work home?

Some other good ones:

1. If I were frustrated about my job what specific steps would you take to help me overcome that frustration? How about if you were frustrated with me?
2. If I asked the incumbent what stinks about the job, what would he or she say? Can I talk to him or her?
3. If you were my best friend, what would you tell me about this job that we haven’t already discussed?

So there you have it. Next time you’re talking on the phone to a hiring manager, make sure you not only have peed and poured yourself a glass of whatever, keep page 9 of The Top Talent Interview Guide opened and fire away.