Fri, Jul 10, 2009
My ex spoofed me on Match.com.
I knew it when I read his online profile, but I was seduced by the thought of exploring a relationship with a man who shared my passion for sailing. He could have had another passion as long as he wouldn’t take mine away.
When I finally confronted him and he admitted the ruse, I felt as misled and betrayed as I did in my former job.
On my last day of work, my boss emailed me to set up an appointment in her office to discuss an analysis I had written about an online service the company was thinking of using. She had never called me in her office before. Then, an hour later, the company’s top dog delivered the news of my layoff.
My ex portrayed himself as Hank at the Helm and didn’t include any pictures until I called him on that. You can’t do the online dating thing without pictures. Even without the pictures, I recognized his writing style. That happens after you’ve been with someone for a while—you discover their “voice” in words. But I kept playing along.
For the next few days, he emailed me several times, revealing more of his backstory, which had a striking resemblance to mine. He told me he had a 9-year-old daughter named Halle. I had a 9-year-old son (now 10), and my mother wanted to name me Halle.
He also said he was a divorced lawyer living in a big house in Potomac.
Three other tip-offs that made me suspicious. He began to discuss his fantasies with me online (so inappropriate) and refused to give me his phone number when I said I had to talk to him first before meeting him at a restaurant. I played along for a few more emails. He also described himself as Christian when his picture showed features more aligned with being Jewish.
I asked him about his sailboat, thinking I’d trip him up, but he’s a smart rascal and did some research to describe his boat as a Hans Christian sloop (one mast). He at least could have chosen a world-class boat. The tête-à-tête ended when he fessed up after I continued to confront him.
The ruse gave him a fantasy that pleased him, just like the fake meeting with my boss filled me with the expectation that I had pleased her. At least my ex had the balls to deal with me in person when I asked him if he was Hank, while my boss did the sheepish thing when I got laid-off. She hid in her office.