Day 131 — Hi There! Let’s Hook Up

Hi There, Let's Hook UpI typically don’t answer the phone at home, because it’s typically a creditor, and I’m so not into that.

Why give a creditor the satisfaction that he’s gotcha, when you can take advantage of technology—caller ID and voice mail—to send him to electronland?

But yesterday afternoon, as I stood in the kitchen waiting for a hot dog to grill to perfection, the phone rang. I bent over to see, the number, that is. I wear glasses, but I didn’t have them on.

My eyes stood at attention—a girl was calling. Kristi (yes, her real name) flashed on the Caller ID. I decided to pick up, thinking that she was calling for my ex. Sure, enough, she asked for him.

I could tell from the hey-what’s-going-on-here tone in her voice that she wasn’t expecting another female to answer the phone.

“No, not, here,” I said. I crossed my fingers, hoping she’d ask, “Who’s this?” because I was dying to tell her, “His ex wife.”

But that question didn’t come up. She just wanted me to leave a message that Kristi called. “Will do,” I said. Bye, click, and it was over.

Such is life when you live with your ex because you both can’t afford to get your own digs. He’s unemployed, too, but has some hot prospects.

Yeah, we could sell the house, but my ex is so against that because of the kids, and it’s in the divorce agreement to keep it for seven years.

Once the financial crisis is over, and I’ve gotta believe that the financial sun will rise for me, I’m outta here, because living with your ex is mentally unhealthy, among other things.

Like today, my ex left to take the train to Baltimore for a hook up with a woman he met online through Match.com. I thought that hook up meant an electrical connection. He said hook up refers to a casual sexual encounter, sort of like a one-night stand.

My ex said 85 percent of people who meet virtually but see each other in real time and space meet for the purpose of a hook up. [You got to wonder where he reads this stuff.] I don’t know if hook ups lead to second dates. I doubt it.

If Ann needs a hook up, she’s going tol call an electrician. She never figured out whether it was the red or white wire that’s hot. She also has a thing for men in uniforms. Coming soon—the UPS man.

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