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Day 153 — Transitions

TransitionsThe one thing about drinking wine is that I lose my train of thought.

Sometimes, that’s not such a bad idea, but other times, darn it, oh, yes, now I remember. Transitions.

Writing a great transition is one of the hardest things to do in journalism. I am going through a transition, but I don’t know where that transition is leading, which makes it much harder to write—because it’s open-ended.

An open-ended life is okay up to a point. Like a toddler, I like routine. But since I’m a “smart, bad girl,” or so I’ve been told, I can’t live without adventure, and it has to be more than getting my jollies off on the seesaw.

I’m talking exhilaration, not stupid danger stuff, and it also needs to be in the cushy lap of luxury, or Ann’s just not going.

So back to transition. Ann is seeking transition, a time of peace and reflection that will bring her perspective and wisdom. You see, Ann needs to cock her head on just right to write.

As Labor Day approaches, the psychological change from summer to fall ushers in transitions. Children return to school, if they haven’t already. The weather changes, and vacations end.

But for many of the unemployed like me, the lines that once clearly marked transitions in our lives have become blurred by longer-than-expected joblessness. Although I’m temping, I still feel unemployed.

I’m not planning to go away for Labor Day because I don’t have any money. It’s hard for me to justify extra hobbies when my children need new clothes, and I need to make sure I have enough money in the bank to pay my half of the mortgage and my son’s school tuition.

I often live with less than $1,000 to my name. My bank account refills with money like a splash bucket at a waterpark fills with water. Then, it dumps out when I pay the monthly bills. What I earn a month is less than the taxes taken out of other people’s paychecks.

I can’t compete, or even keep up, with other people my age, because of what I’ve been through—the unemployment, raising a child with a developmental disability, and a divorce.

It will take a very giving person to accept all of that in me and do so with an understanding that even though my monetary contribution is small, or at this stage in my life nil because I’ve depleted all of my savings, my heart is big.

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