Girl on the Brink: Surviving Desperate Times with Desperate Measures

My underwear disappears like pencils in an office coffee mug.

I swear they should be in a particular drawer but somehow they end up in another. I get so embarrassed when I leave them in the dryer because there’s an oft chance that my ex might find them when it’s his turn to do the wash.

And I so don’t want that. A friend once told me how the jealous rage of man compelled him to cut up his girlfriend’s thongs like chop suey after he discovered she was cheating on him. Even though my ex and I are divorced and living as roommates, I still think he might do that to mine.

In the house we both live in, I generally confine myself to the basement apartment, which is my choice. Nonetheless, you’d think my undies would stay in my desirable geographic location.

But they seem to disappear, and I never seem to find them, just like I never seem to find my favorite red editing pen. Thankfully, underwear and pens are as replaceable as an office worker.

I do have a secret stash of underwear. Some of them are layered in lace and the soft creamy colors of peach, rose and yellow, while others are black with tiny pink butt bows.

They’re the Mont Blanc of my underwear drawer. I wear them for special occasions. I mean, everyone has something they take out for a special occasion.  You didn’t see President Obama sign the economic stimulus package with a Bic?

The president uses a special black lacquer pen provided by Rhode Island’s A.T. Cross Company of Lincoln. His pens are uniquely engraved so that they can be given away as gifts, usually to someone who plays a significant role in the creation of a bill.

Cross pens also cost a lot, between $40 and $170. Good underwear does, too. Somehow, though, I don’t think they both get the same wear and tear.