Girl on the Brink: Surviving Desperate Times with Desperate Measures

When I sent a tweet that I broke up with my boyfriend, my publicist emailed me on Facebook. He said, “the man in question clearly is among the dumbest people on the planet……..to ‘have’ and then lose you would be a lifetime error.”

Yah. I clearly agreed.

How could a message like that not feed my ego that I’m someone special. If you’re confident, you’d feel that you were “a catch,” too.

I know this guy will never find another girl like me. But his loss may be mine, too.

I’ve passed over men and jobs that in retrospect would have changed the path of my life. Hindsight may offer me the ability to see past events as more predictable, but it can’t change the trajectory of my life in the present.

One of the jobs that I wished I had taken was immediately after I had sold my Internet publishing company. 3Com founder Bob Metcalfe recommended me for a position as an Internet analyst at a consulting firm—and I turned it down to go back to a former employer and create a newsletter about the commercial rise of the Internet among institutional investors.

I fantasize that that job would have led to great things. But there’s a salty journalist in me, and I keep plugging away at writing.

Then there is a very rich man I passed over. He was the founder of Rockport Shoes and former owner of The WELL. I had already fallen in love with another man (now my ex). I remember visiting his townhouse in San Francisco and the panoramic view out his bay window that overlooked the Golden Gate bridge.

I didn’t acknowledge his pursuit of me in a way that would have solidified the relationship. Of course I fantasize about how that would have turned out.

How can I have any regrets?

I have two beautiful little boys who are almost teenagers, and despite the sorry state of affairs of this nation, I’m optimistic that they’ll find their place in the world, even though I haven’t seem to have found mine.

But I’m a trooper and am keeping my fingers crossed that the company I’m temping for will come through with a full-time position for me. However, I share the same fear as so many unemployed people; that while the next job will take me off the unemployment roll, the price will come at a huge pay cut.

Nonetheless, the wisdom I’ve gleaned from hindsight tells me not to pass up a sure thing.