Girl on the Brink: Surviving Desperate Times with Desperate Measures

A new relationship. The loss of a job. The proposal of marriage. The birth of a child. Divorce. A promotion.

Each life-changing event and transition fills us with expectations that are often marked by excitement and idealization.

In essence, we check out of reality and romance the notion that our new path will reward us with a more fruitful life.

Ann has experienced all of the above and more, and she is torn between love and letdown, both with work and men. They amplify the good, bad and the ugly of contemporary relationships.

After a promotion in her last job, Ann felt deluded when her written job responsibilities failed to match the realities of what she was allowed to do. Disappointment ensued from expectations that failed to occur.

Despite efforts to communicate her unhappiness, the situation remained unchanged until upper management eliminated her position in November 2008.

Her latest letdown involved a man. First, he began with a gentle rally back and forth, mentioning specific vacation spots, shopping adventures, spending “quality” time with her and the possibility of sharing his life with her, despite a continental divide in their net worth.

He then reminded her of his “charmed” no-drama life in the face of a woman who had to abandon her career to rescue her son from autism. Ouch. That hurt.

After he had filled her with the expectation that some of these things might materialize, he held off on following through and instead hit a lob shot. She didn’t anticipate he’d criticize her for expecting the very things he had talked about. But he did.

At that point, however, he could only see life through his eyes and not through hers. There was no binocular vision for the two of them to advance as a team. He let go of a relationship before it had a chance to blossom.

Ann imagines that the safety and security of his piggy bank will transform into tedium and stasis, much like what happens in a marriage, and prompt him to ask as he rides his motorcycle on a curvy road through the mountains of Andalusia: Is this all there is? Am I as happy as I should be? Is there some job or somebody that’s better for me?

When his mind tells him yes to the last question, he, like others who came before him, will fall victim to his own great expectations.