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Day 184 — Whole Body Returns

Dating-GreenAnn’s next entrepreneurial effort is a new dating-work site, called DatingGreen.com.

She calls it a dating-work site because dating is work.

But this is not Ann’s attempt at conservation.

That’s right, Ann thinks it’s about time we recycle, reuse and reduce our former lovers rather than trash them.

The site’s tag line — “Whole Body Returns” — means that Ann won’t pull a Lorena Bobbit on them. (Lorena’s the gal who cut off of her drunk husband’s penis. Had to do with him not understanding the meaning of “no, no.”)

Under Ann’s rules, if a date wasn’t a match, women would need to be kind and return them to the dating pool.

Ann believes men deserve a second shelf life, much like an old pair of golf clubs.

She’d have five recycling bins—Lazy, Very Lazy, Coach Potato, Cheap and Bone Idle. That seems to be how men become after all the courtship stuff ends.

When they think they’ve gotcha, they return to their former way of life—watching football—and they stop buying you flowers.

Not only would we reduce, reuse, recycle our ex relationships, the site would also feature a link to trade off dating artifacts. That’s memories of better times.

For example, if I could trade my $400 pink bustier for a lavender one, I’d be tickled pink. I can’t imagine ever wearing that one again.

Although men would like it, that would be too weird; having sex with someone else but being reminded of a former lover. Thing is, I can’t bear throwing it away like I’ve done with other past boyfriend gifts. It costs too much!

She can’t think of a second life for all the photographs taken throughout a relationship either, and she doesn’t think that there will ever come a time when she is enthralled to see them again. Deleting them seems to be the best solution.

After all, we seem to delete, or throw away, things we no longer want, from old clothes to toys to furniture, even when they can be recycled.

Employers are guilty, too. Just look at how many employees they’ve deleted since news of the recession surfaced nearly a year ago.

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