Girl on the Brink: Surviving Desperate Times with Desperate Measures

Most online job applications require you to submit references from the get-go. I don’t have a problem with that. I understand a prospective employer wants to make sure I’m not a lunatic.

It seems so unfair, though. Why can’t I ask for vendor references to see if the company I might work for pays its bills on time, and treats and compensates its employees fairly?

Now, all that’s got me thinking.

Since everybody is checking everyone else out to ensure that everyone has a healthy start and that no one’s going to surprise the boss by placing a burp pillow on her chair, shouldn’t we be doing this with the people we date. I mean, these are people we might get naked with—far more than a slit skirt at the office.

I imagine a secret women-only, password-protected site hidden behind Match called Catch.com.

Women post reviews of their dates so you can look up helpful third-party validation of his claims. Too wimpy; too aggressive; immense, well, that thing that always comes out on impulse; immense ego; and so on.

It captures what women say to their close girlfriends the day after a date.

Obviously, favorable reviews are fantastic news for the men who get them. (Okay, to even it up, men would have their own site (guessing they’d vote for is called Snatch.com, or whatever) to review women they’ve dated.)

But what about the guys who disappoint?

Oh, well, there are probably women in obscure parts of Asia and Africa that do not yet have Internet access, but the pool of available women will be drained.

Lacking a system like that, all you can hope for is for a man to give you one or two romantic references to call. I bet women would be honest with one another about a man’s strengths (How many times could he get it up in three hours?) and his weaknesses (How many times could he get it up in three hours?)

What I most want to know is if he’s going to expect me to have sex with him on the first date. If it’s my idea, that’s one thing. But, if he expects sex, that’s probably the end of him—unless, well, he’s hot, rich, smart, funny and has an instant crush on me. In that case, yeah, he’ll get some sort of a sample to make sure he comes back for more.

And, I wouldn’t say a word about him to anyone.