Girl on the Brink: Surviving Desperate Times with Desperate Measures

If any of you have bothered to look below my ass on the Girl On the Brink logo, you’d see that the tagline reads, “Surviving Desperate Times with Desperate Measures.”

Increasingly, I read about a lot of desperate people doing desperate things, such as selling all their stuff and moving from places like Detroit to greener pastures, aka Wisconsin.

Often, their poor pet gets left behind, or sold at a steep discount.

If I had any grass left in my backyard (died from too much shade and kid sports), I’d consider responding to the following ad:

“Can’t afford to take care of Donkey anymore. He’s in good health, very friendly and only mildly stinky. It is expensive to care for him, though. I am selling him for 500 bucks (Got him for $2,000). Totally worth it. You pick him up.”

But seriously, I don’t want another pet in the house. Three cats is enough.

We had five, but the mom and dad cat ran away. No joke. Their three children (stupid me for letting them mate—twice!) often get bored: No more moths and crickets to chase around the house now that the seasons have turned.

Even though this ad promises hours of delight for children pining for hamsters, I think they’d satisfy my cats in no time. Best part: The seller bought a taxidermy kit and stuffed them, so they’d last a long time. His ad reads:

“They are perfect for the kid who wants a hamster but you know damn well won’t take care of them. Just buy a cage, pose them in it and tell the kids to enjoy. If the kids ask why they aren’t moving just explain to them that happy hamsters keep still…my little kid lost interest [in them] and kept forgetting to feed them. One by one they dropped off. I couldn’t bear to flush these cute things down the toilet so I bought a taxidermy kit and stuffed them….”

And, finally, the longer Ann stays unemployed, the more she thinks that this mom’s idea to make a few extra bucks isn’t so bad.

She posted an ad with the headline, “Are you thinking about having kids? Teenager Kit!!!” For the super low price of $19.95, you can rent one of her teenagers and get the other free.

She writes, “Male teens can entertain for hours with games when you clean his room or look for missing dishes. I like to name these games ‘Find that dish,’ ‘There’s a fungus amongus’ and even friends and family [come] over to play ‘What’s That Smell?’ You may even have to guess if the boy is even home, which is why I love the game.”