Girl on the Brink: Surviving Desperate Times with Desperate Measures

When I go out with a guy for the first time, some charge ahead with a 3-minute dossier of themselves as if they were interviewing for a job.

The conversation goes something like this, “I’ve been divorced twice, have three kids, two grandchildren and used to be active in sports before I injured myself in a skiing accident. When I was younger, I could bounce coins off my chest it was so flat. But I’ve gained some weight. Say, do you know (and he names a sports legend) Y.A. Tittle?”

My eyes begin to drift shut.

“Played….”

I’m thinking, Time warp.

You know what career coaches say—sum up your job history in 2 minutes.

That doesn’t mean it applies to a life. Relationships are supposed to unfold, like a night-blooming cereus.

With more ground to cover, it seems like the more mature guys don’t know where to start explaining their lives when I pose an open-ended question to begin the process of understanding their highway of love and whether their entrance ramp is something I find attractive.

I’d rather not start at major intersections—too much going on. I mean, some lives have as many twists and turns and layers as the Mixing Bowl interchange in Springfield, Va. I’m more of the country-road type.

While I like history, I’d prefer not to revisit the high points in a guy’s life that he punctuates with details from 30 years ago. Exception: I’d listen to anyone muse about anything while sunning on a teak-swept deck in the Adriatic.

This advice also applies to jobs. Who really cares what you did 20 years ago. You’re defined by what you do now. That’s how it’s been for me.

When I had my resume de-aged, the year I went to college was left off as well as the dates of the jobs that stretched back to my days as a single gal. My resume now sums up those jobs in a couple of sentences in a shaded box.

I also don’t write cover letters anymore that say, “My more than 20 years experience….” You can forget that. Having that much experience seems to be a detriment in today’s youth-driven economy.

Like a potential employer, I want to know what you can do now, and if you need an “accommodation” (read: Viagra), I’ve pilfered some of my ex’s (be happy to give you some). And, don’t worry, I won’t ask you to lift 50 pounds (except me).