Girl on the Brink: Surviving Desperate Times with Desperate Measures

My urge; have to pee.

My luck; enter bathroom at The Diner in Adams Morgan. Two stalls. Both occupied; one with a female caregiver (me thinking young grandma) talking to her three-ish something girl.

“When did you throw up?” says the caregiver.

No answer.

I cross my legs. No action in the other stall—feet hanging off the toilet seat (yes, peeked underneath the door).

“In the bathroom?”

No answer, but the little girl giggles.

The caregiver presses for an answer. “Did you throw up at ballet?”

She answers. “No.”

“Did you throw up in your bedroom?”

“No.”

“What room did you throw up in?”

By this time, I’m waiting as anxiously as the caregiver, and I know the wait time for the bingo answer will be longer than the change of a Maxi Pad.

It’s almost as if this conversation could have occurred in an office cubicle.

Most of the time, an employee gathers his cell phone and retreats to an office hallway or descends down the elevator to a designated smoking area to talk about personal matters.

But sometimes, employees don’t seem to care that somebody else (me!) is listening and proceed to riff about their medical problems, pet doing something cute, vacation sickness, stuff I’d rather not hear.

It’d be like office employee Joe asking cube-mate Hal, “Hey, Hal, you said your prostate’s swollen?”

“Yeah, geez, I can’t stay out of the bathroom,” says Hal.

“Ah, it’s not bothering you…you know…with Carol?

“You mean…when we’re in…?”

“Well, I didn’t want to say it,” says Joe. “Suzie’s in the next cube, and you know how rumors spread.”

“She just went to the bathroom.”

“Like I was sayin’, if you need a little boost…”

“You’ve got…?” Hal’s eyes blaze with excitement.

“Yep, but it can cause a serious medical condition known as a…” Joe advances his eyes to Suzie. She’s back.

“You don’t need to tell me,” Hal says. “I’ve seen the ads.”

Suzie shoots a thought. “Serious medical condition? Sorry, but I couldn’t help but overhear. Is everyone okay?”

“That would be everything,” says Joe.