Girl on the Brink: Surviving Desperate Times with Desperate Measures

I go to my temp job. I take care of my kids. I feed the cats.

But this month, my alto ego emerges when I slip on a mini skirt, a bust-grabbing shirt, and over-the-knee-high boots, and dream of a new career to carry me into retirement.

Think of it. The lights. The glamour. The fantasy of becoming a 30-second girl at the Monster Energy EnduroCross Grand Championship at the Orleans Arena in Las Vegas.

Yes, Ann may become one of those babes who steps out in front of the blat-blat-blat of exhaust fumes and holds up the 30-second board to let the bikers know that the race, which combines the gnarliest aspects of several off-road disciplines, is about to begin.

There’s really not much more to it than that other than to wait for somebody to nod their head—the signal to turn the board sideways to let the bikers know that the gates are seconds away from being dropped and then run like hell to get out of the way before they run you down.

Once on the sidelines, the nation’s top off-road amateur racers compete for $10,000 as they negotiate water holes, judder across numerous logs and massive boulders and blast over large tires—all at hair-raising speed.

I googled “30-second girl” to find out if there’s anything else I should know. I also hoped to learn about the evolution of these stadium girls. But, no, nothing else. Just lots of pictures of girls with bleached-blond hair, black-rimmed eyes, short-short skirts and sometimes midriff-baring tops.

They’re also under 30 years old. So, you can imagine how thrilled Ann feels at the thought of even being considered for this glamourpuss role.

The only thing Ann worries about (if she’s tapped) is seeing the guy who nods his head to drop the sign and dive for the sidelines.

She’s nearsighted. That could be a problem because Ann doesn’t wear contacts, and wearing glasses is not a motocross look.

Nonetheless, Ann may have poor eyesight, but she has remarkable vision for what could be the start of a new career.