Day 213 — Modern Job Makeovers

Job Description MakeoversAs I search online job boards, the same old job descriptions tumble through my computer screen like a load of laundry in the dryer.

One job folds into the next. Nothing stands out.

Career counselors say that would never do when submitting a resume. You need to inject action words, stress accomplishments over responsibilities and develop keyword-attractive phrases.

Yeah, yeah, I’ve done all that.

Now, let me offer some advice to employers. You need to stop using words and phrases, such as “multi-tasker,” “effective communication skills,” “strong interpersonal skills” and the like.

To attract top talent, I suggest you take a cue from perfumers and clothiers, such as the J Peterman Co. and Lucky Scent.

When Lucky Scent describes a perfume, the company seduces and tantalizes potential customers with a life beyond “the box” of their humdrum daily routine.

Human resource directors can, too, by writing job descriptions with worldy, rich and distinct high notes.

Here’s what I mean.

Communications Manager
When you call your employer “aphrodisiac,” you’d better be fairly sure you’re not overreaching yourself. This newcomer to the IT world is from Microsoft—the sixth composed for the monopolist house by Bill Gates—is a head-turning position as you’re ever likely to get.

That is, if you enjoy working on PCs, filling in for the receptionist to answer phone calls, or sipping a fine amaretto in your Starbucks. Who doesn’t?

Communications Manager is a somatosensory trip to Seattle—or perhaps to the keyboard-pounding 1920s, when James Fields Smathers of Kansas City, Missouri, handed over his power-driven machine to the Northeast Electric Co. for mass production.

The job is slyly evocative of the high-kicking Rockettes and requires a faintly animalic scent of chamomile laced with honey. Throughout your career, you’ll run through a palette of “I can’t wait to get out of the office” to “I can’t wait to get out of the house:” to hip-hop, to funk, to flirt with the boss. It’s exhausting.

Your boss will barely lift a finger. He’ll just look relaxed and pour the Moët.

Some days, you’ll stretch out languorously in your cubicle, displaying mean grins, leaving you hungry for more sleepless nights in Seattle.

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