Day 221 — Purse-Dialing Your Ex

Purse-Dialing Your ExWhat happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, unless you’re purse dialing your ex.

He won’t titillate me with what he heard. I asked.

And, I can’t, won’t, provide a rundown of the possible details.

Purse dialing is akin to “butt dialing.” Maybe you’ve seen the commercials: Boy sits on couch with his Blackberry mobile phone in his back pocket. It secretly dials a friend (in the commercials a wife or girlfriend) and the significant other answers saying, “Hello Butt.”

Well, my Blackberry dials from its case in my purse, and I have no idea when this happens, which I think is more realistic than the butt-dialing commercials.

If I were on the other end of the receiving line, like my ex was, I’d listen in, too. I’m hoping that the conversation—or whatever he heard—was muffled enough so as not to disclose the intimacy (or whatever) of what was going on. But I’m too shy to pry and will just leave it as that.

Let’s just say I’m, er, we’re, blazing new divorce territory,and there’s nothing like taking your ex with you on a date!

Good or bad, it sucks, and I’m unsure of the next turn in the road other than it’s got to be the right turn.

If I have any more wrong turns, I’ll want to be the turkey that’s cooked this Thanksgiving. Just make sure you baste me with Kitchen Bouquet so that I look robust brown (not one of those blond, cafeteria-style birds).

Ugg (and I wished I had a pair).

He (my ex) did go on to describe a scene in the Showtime hit, Californication, about a fornification scene involving two characters and how they were making more noise by throwing furniture than two other characters in another room. The point; to get the other two characters to stop having sex.

That is an abbreviated summary of what happened. But I don’t think it matters.

You get the point, or at least I think I do. Why would he be bringing up that scene if it didn’t relate to reality. Just to tease me? Well, maybe, and I think that’d be the right answer.

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