Day 235 — Digging Out

Bottoms UpHow do you know when you’ve hit bottom?

This has recently become a pressing question for me.

However bad things are, I’m always on guard for signs that life will get worse.

Without succumbing to negativity, I find myself preparing to hit bottom, and then for the bottom to fall out and sink even further to some new and deeper bottom.

But thankfully, miraculously, the bottom has not hit, at least not for me. My contract has been extended yet again—providing me with monetary fulfillment to mid-February. I’m not sure what happens after that. I’ve learned not to take anything for granted, which is both a good and bad way of living.

While I feel economy-wise about life, I don’t like always being on my guard that something’s bad about to happen, and it’s shaken my trust in employer-employee relationships. Nothing is secure.

Living in Washington, D.C., I’ve been socked by snow this past weekend and suffered a minor setback. The office I’m under contract with closed down today, leaving me without a day’s pay. But I stayed productive, cleaning the house, making soup and bread, and wrapping gifts for Christmas.

One of my stupid cats meowed incessantly to go outside. What a fool. I let him out. He frolicked in the snow a bit, sinking to his neck, then scurried back in, only to start meowing again. He just doesn’t get it.

I also was the best ex wife today. I dug out my ex husband’s car. He bought one a few days before his contract was terminated. I guess he didn’t see it coming.

In the New Year, my principle objective is to get out of my basement apartment and away from the house I grudgingly share with him, which varies from intolerable to tolerable but doesn’t ever get any better than that.

So I hit control-alt-delete, rebooted, and am now seeing a wonderful man who adores me. I’ll leave it at that for now.

I also have my health, sort of. Mental anguish is wearing me down. I have my girlish figure, youthful appearance, my grace and élan. Men look at me, their eyes follow me, and they come up and hit on me.

My kids are more or less well, although in need of considerable attention these days. I tell them nothing, but they can sense my psychological pain and foreboding.

Thank God I have some money coming in, at least for now. But while I have hopes for the New Year, I also have strong premonitions that I will find a fulltime job. That would be the end of bottom, I hope.

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