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Day 247 — Pocket Personnel

SatisfactionOne of my men let me play with his iPhone, which is as erotic and intimate as it gets before skin on skin. He had an app that I’m still laughing about called Pocket Girlfriend.

It’s not a cartoon creature or an avatar. Instead, it is comprised of video clips of a real (yes, very sexy) girl who talks to you. Press her button and she says things men want to hear: “Anything that makes you happy, makes me happy,” “I love your family, especially your mom,” and “you look so cute when you first wake up in the morning.”

If you shake the iPhone, she says things, such as, “Are we dancing?” “Shake it baby!” and “Are we having a party?”

I couldn’t resist recording a few customized phrases to add to her repertoire; “Not so loud you’ll wake up the baby,” “Did you fart or did I?” and “Oh yes, yes, now put your left leg around there and reach all the way around and touch me over there with your, ohhh, that’s it,” and “Oh honey, the kitchen is farther away from you than I want to be. Let’s order take out again.”

And I recorded a few that were specific to the individual involved that I cannot, unfortunately, share with you here. We got a few hours worth of entertainment out of it, laughed, ate, drank, went to sleep.

A good time was had by all.

And now he gets to take his Pocket Me around with him, probably to show off to men at work. If I only knew how to rebuild the app with my image rather than that young little skanky hoe they’ll be leering at. It should be me.

I realize this thing has great promise for other circumstances. Men only have a limited number of things to ask of girlfriends, so creating a virtual one that’s more amusing than intelligent is an easy challenge.

What about at work?

Do my bosses and co-workers really ask me an unlimited number of questions, or is there a subset of everything that gets used over and over again?

The iPhone can’t actually do my job, but it could talk about it with some accuracy. In my Pocket Personnel, the woman is wearing a business suit, of course, maybe glasses and hair up in a bun in a sexy librarian look—the sort of straight arrow who could become a porn star at any moment.

She says things like “I can have that for you by the end of the day,” and “I think my compensation is right where it should be. There are so many others who need a raise more than I do,” “Of course I can work evenings and weekends if it is for the good of the company,” and “I am skipping lunch and not getting up from this desk until we meet that deadline.”

I have been a business owner in the past so I know that these phrases make supervisors hot, and they generate longing and desire.

The trouble is that, as the Pocket Girlfriend, if I satisfy my man I usually also get satisfied.

When I satisfy my boss, I am almost always left completely unsatisfied.

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