Wed, Mar 3, 2010
But she and I are the same size and age and have similar sensibilities.
We almost always make exactly the same mistakes, which is why we’re such good friends.
She called to ask me where the line is between exploring your options and cheating. How far out can you step before you say goodbye?
She hates her job, so she has been gritting her teeth and getting through it for well over a year. She’s undervalued and underpaid. So she’s been stealing time from her other duties and using it to look for a job while she’s at her job.
As far as I’m concerned, this is too normal to be worth talking about as a transgression. It is just too minor.
Recently, however, she’s started to get some job interviews. She comes up with an excuse and sneaks out. She told me she even leaves her interview clothes in the car so her co-workers don’t wonder why she’s all dressed up.
After the interview, she removes her lipstick and other makeup so she can blend into the blandness of her office without attracting attention.
When she dithers about cheating on her employer this way, I can tell she’s not genuinely troubled by it.
You don’t need to quit a job and be unemployed in order to find another one. Since you can get fired for even telling your boss you’re looking for another job, there is no choice. That’s just how it has to be.
Her approach to dating is very similar.
She’s always got a guy or three coming after her—one or two who think they are going out with her and at least one who she’s dumped but who hasn’t given up hope.
She doesn’t lead them on exactly, but she does manage all this male attention adroitly so she never has to be alone or pay for a meal in a nice restaurant. She tells them little lies so that Man A will continue to consider himself in the pole position (of course) despite the fact that she’s doing the same with Man B and often Man C, too.
It is always just about to collapse, on the verge of going out of control.
In the nightmare scenario, all these suitors arrive on her doorstep the same night with flowers, running into her other suitors. As I picture this, a battle ensues and the man left standing at the end gets her.
She’s not exactly cheating, I say, because she’s so adept at being vague. She lets the guys think what they want to think. She knows that clarity and transparency are not her friends, and that deception is allowed right up until the point she makes a commitment to one of the men.
She never seems to get to that point, however. If she told a guy she was also interviewing and auditioning other men he might not want to go through the evaluation, right?
I tell her you go girl, that’s just how it has to be.